Feels good to say that. Sure, it came after a bit of disappointment this morning, but it feels good, nonetheless.

Earlier this year, I’d been asked to quote for a wedding. I explained that it’s not really what I do, but the bride-to-be said she liked my music photography and didn’t mind my lack of wedding experience. So, I quoted. And I got the job. At least I thought I did.

This morning, the email came. “A friend has put me in touch with someone else who has offered us a deal we can’t pass up.” I was disappointed for a few reasons. Not least of which is that I didn’t insist on the deposit being paid before the engagement session a week ago.

But if I’m honest with myself, I’m also relieved. This may sound like a sour grapes thing, but weddings just aren’t what I want to do. I actually came home from the engagement shoot and said to my wife, “you know, I don’t think I’ll do any weddings after this one.” I think that lack of enthusiasm came through in the engagement images I produced. Sure, they were OK, and the client seemed happy with them, but you’ll notice I haven’t published them anywhere on the site.

This is what I am:

• A landscape photographer who hasn’t done much landscape shooting in the last 6 months;
• A music photographer who sometimes feels like he’s “getting too old for this shit”
• A sports and event photographer

This is what I’d like to be:

•  A landscape photographer who actually shoots landscapes;
• An editorial and portrait photographer who can somehow fit it around his day job

This is what I’m not:

• A wedding photographer.

I really love photography. Like, a lot. But as long as I have a day job that pays as well as it does, and a mortgage, this whole photography caper is only ever going to be a sideline thing. With that in mind, I think it’s important that I focus on doing what I want to do. My day job is stressful enough. I’d rather spend my free time shooting what I want to shoot, not stressing about paid photography work like weddings when my heart’s not in it, just for the sake of a bit of extra cash.

The non-stressful paid work, on the other hand? Bring it on.